Happy birthday, America! You’re looking good, I must say. Have you had work done? Who would guess that a spry young country like yourself is celebrating 233 years this Fourth of July?

Here at the lab we’re going to be celebrating July Fourth the way we always do: by trying to take over the world! Also, with a patriotic barbeque and fireworks. I do love fireworks. Scarface has been working all year on his ballet wherein he creates the perfect full size Statue of Liberty out of sparklers. He performs it while dressed as Lady Liberty. I think you must agree that it is sheer genius in its simplicity.

After the barbeque, we’re going to have our traditional patriotic costume pageant. Yes, the kiddies really enjoy that one. We give them tricorner hats and powdered wigs and set them loose to plot revolution. Even Killer gets to dress up in his Uncle Sam dog costume.

The very best part about our Fourth of July holiday costumes is that they’re multi-use. Yes, after their first outing on Presidents Day, we packed them away until Memorial Day, then we bring them out for our Independence Day festivities and again at the end of the summer for the real party: Labor Day! And you don’t even want to know what happens on Veterans Day. (I’ll give you a hint. It’s AWESOME.)

Yes, it was worth skimming off the donut budget to get these patriotic girls and boys costumes. I think you’ll agree they make the America’s 233rd birthday a super one!

Now I have to run, the kiddies are about to start their yearly tea party! We’re breaking into the neighboring laboratory and dumping their kitchen into the pool!

Dippel out!

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